A mum with ADHD

When I started this blog, I'd recently discovered I was expecting my second child and I was feeling very reflective about my journey into motherhood. It hadn't been a straight forward journey - as is the case for many families.

To write about our pregnancy loss in 2018 and my birth experience in 2019 definitely served as an exercise in catharsis. However, once I'd written my birth story I was well into the second trimester of my second pregnancy and I had lost the momentum for writing.

It was during this pregnancy that I finally received something I've been waiting a long time for. An ADHD diagnosis. My inability to stick to a schedule of regular writing is a trait not alien to the ADHD community. It's also one hell of a thing to manage with small children in tow. So I'll forgive myself for the time elapsed between blogposts.

I'd always known my brain worked a bit differently to those around me. Other people seemed to go about the daily tasks of their lives with such mundaneness and ease. Meanwhile, I've paced my living room 5 or 6 times in a continued loop of "keys, phone, purse" and checking and rechecking appliances before I can leave the house.

I can't stick to a skincare regime, remember to book important appointments or keep a tidy home. I am easily overwhelmed with sensory overload. I struggle with regulating my emotions and my attention span is laughable. I'd rather watch a film I've seen 10 times than have to concentrate on a new storyline. Much to my husband's frustration. My life is quite frankly, chaos.

I thought I was just a little disorganised and lacked focus. However, when I became a mother, it became more challenging to manage my 'flaws' whilst caring for a baby. At this time, I noticed a Twitter friend had been sharing their experience of being diagnosed with ADHD. The penny dropped. I made a call to my GP for a referral and 18 months later, (yes, that really is how long it takes) my suspicions were confirmed. Inattentive ADHD, previously known as Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD).

One of the characteristics of Inattentive ADHD is that there isn't actually a deficit of attention, not really. In fact, the attention we have to some tasks can turn to hyperfixation. It's just we're a bit bad at prioritising what requires our attention. The house could be on fire and you'd decide to clear out the cutlery drawer before reaching for the fire extinguisher!

So how do I manage my condition whilst being the gentle, present and loving mother I aspire to be. Well I've learned to ignore the unrealistic expectations set by instagram influencers for a start! I've also accepted that I am going to make mistakes and as long as my children are clean, fed, loved, happy and have sufficient space to play then I'm doing ok!

Luckily, parenting is one thing my ADHD may actually complement. Imagine being 3 years old and your mum randomly decides you're going to bake cookies together right now! Must be a buzz! I'm kidding around but in all honestly I do seem to be able to prioritise the kids needs over my own. Do I remember the last time I had a drink of water? No but I can pack a changing bag with snacks, nappies, wipes, toys and my 3 year olds inhaler for a trip to the park real fast!

That's not to say it isn't bloody hard work. My brain is so busy all of the time trying to run through all of the things I need to do. When a toddler meltdown or a crying baby penetrates my brain in the middle of an internal monologue - I can't handle it. I can lose my temper if I don't catch myself first. I'm not ashamed to say I have been that shouty parent I never wanted to be on occasion. But I always talk it out and apologise after and it's something I'm working on every day.

So whilst I'll still be talking about births and babies, I've decided to take a slight change in direction with the overall theme of this blog. And so, Anadhdmuminfrome is born!